.::/Mary Jane\::.

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 04:50:17 GMT

Okay, I am officially NO LONGER going to use this LJ. Seeing as I haven't updated it in so long AND CERTAIN FUCKING BITCHES can't drop off the face of the fucking planet and leave me alone. You want to talk to me? I can be found on Facebook and Myspace. Look me up and all that jazz. Face the fucking fact, LJ's are for fuckin bitching.

So you know what?

Kiss my god damn ass and stay out of my fucking business.

Fuck you.

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 09:34:58 GMT

Okay, so, I can see that a lot of people are going through a lot of shit, mainly friends in my life that none of you really know other than the relentless stories I tell, but I am a writer, I am dramatic and this is what I do.

The days you have an epiphany are the greatest ones you could ever have.

Stop living your life worried about the future, and stop dwelling on things that happened in the past. Live your fucking life and experience every day because you know what? You will never, ever get that day back ever again. If you enjoy it and be with the people you love then it is the best thing you could have done for that day. Do not, do not piddle around worrying about what others think and how they will react to the way you live your life. Guess what, bitches? IT'S YOUR LIFE. No one else's. No one, absolutely no one can tell you how to run it, how to love it, and how to fucking express yourself. Understand the difference between right and wrong, acknowledge you have responsibilities but do not sit and wait for that magical second you are suddenly a grown up and voila life is complete. You are wasting your entire beautiful life away if you do that kind of shit.

Keep in mind you need the negative to balance the positive,
the happy to balance the sad,
and the sense of humor to smile every single day.

Don't fuck up your life and wait around to grow up. You are still the 12 year old you once were, and doing what everyone else says you should do is not going to make you any happier.

Declare an emergency

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 06:00:42 GMT

It must be so hard playing with the flames you have played with for so long. It must be so hard sitting around and not needing anyone to help you with the pain. On the other hand, it's just so fucking easy to blame everyone for your own game. Who knows? Maybe you're right and maybe I am wrong. It certainly wouldn't be the first time.

Do you miss me yet? Yeah, I didn't think so.

The bathroom is the warmest room in the house,
yet I wait in the bedroom
and long for you to come in and raise the temperature.
Our love is long forbidden,
and it's a scarlet letter we hold.
but I cannot, will not, press pause and tell you to go home.
Skin is flushed and hot to the touch,
I could burn a hole in you with my gaze,
but let's face it. You so easily put me in a daze.

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 22:18:33 GMT

Wow, sorry guys I haven't been updating this thing for shit. Not that it makes a difference because I don't think anyone even pays attention either way.

Anyone who doesn't have myspace needs to get one and add me. Geez.

Nothing is new, Henderson is the same but I am much happier. I'm writing a lot more now and enjoy a social life. I start a new job at Northwest Airlines on Saturday. Overly excited.

Get at me, holla bitches. <3

King of Catastrophes

It's those days where everyone thinks they know
they know nothing
An attempt to post lyrics
in order to create a song.
There's less life in your eyes,
than I saw once before.
An amazing contradiction,
the entire world sees you as a whore.
Purity means insanity,
the attention of others keeps you sane.
Without love from one another,
nothing ever seems the same.
The world is constantly changing,
and you think it's for the greater good.
When everyone thinks that happiness,
equals up to riding wood.
Nothing you can do,
will take me from myself.
There's nothing you can say,
that doesn't equate to layers of dust upon an empty shelf.
An attempt to post lyrics,
in order to create a song.
Everything you, I, do,
say,
Everyway you, I, breathe,
act,
you are, I am, wrong.

-Sdg

They tried to make me go to rehab..

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 22:40:05 GMT

I won't go, go, go.

So, needless to say my birthday was great. Of course, I have to gloat on the fact I got the following:

A MOTHER FSKING GUITAR. Her name is Chanel and I will be a rock star. Pictures will be uploaded at some point.
Speaking of Chanel, I got the perfume Allure. It's delicious.
DVD's:
Alex & Emma
Natural Born Killers
A Christmas Story
Requiem for a Dream

A Northwest Airlines hoodie and blanket. I know, only an airplane/airline nerd would get it.

A coconut monkey. Shannon went to Florida and snatched one. It's adorable.

Doodle Pirate! He's got a peg leg and a hook for a hand. Victoria is the best ever. XD <33

Shannon's boyfriend sent me some of those movies and the hoodie and a really pretty bouquet of flowers.

Annnd my sister preordered the new Harry Potter book for me. She's all sorts of awesome.

At any rate. Tomorrow I am going to drive back to Lexington to get the rest of my shit to move it home. I also got a job!! I'm waiting for my background check to go through and I have to take a drug test tomorrow. I cannot waait to start working.

Fenrir gonna eatcho babiez. >:O

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 05:10:02 GMT

You know what I find amazing?

How quickly you become a part of someone's life.. and how quickly they drop you. Thanks. Glad to be appreciated.

So basically, life is grand. =D Or something. I work and go to school. The only thing keeping me excited about school is Philosophy and Vampire Literature. Can you believe they made a class out of that? I'm pretty stoked.

Yeah.. I'm tired of typing. Why do I even keep this thing?

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 23:14:48 GMT

Didn't North Korea say that if the United States gave them anymore shit about their nuclear bombs, that they would take that as a threat and declare war?

SO PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY: The official described the results as the State Department announced that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice will travel to China, South Korea and Japan next week to discuss steps to be taken to pressure North Korea to drop its efforts to develop nuclear weapons.

Jesus Crispy, we're all going to die. Thank god for Democracy!!

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 02:46:24 GMT

I honestly should be in bed, but I decided on a quick update.

Thursday is my last day at American. I'm so happy and haven't had any second thoughts.. but i'm going to miss everyone so much.

Halloween i'm going to be Red Riding Hood. Oh yes. I'll be hot as shit.

And you wouldn't have lost anything if you would have just tried. I'm still waiting on a phone call. A message. A letter.

Fall break starts friday! Woo!

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 05:06:51 GMT

I can't even begin to write all the emotions I am feeling.
Haven't planned on posting in LJ for a while, and a plane crash is what makes me do it.

Even though my airline wasn't the one that crashed, I still go to work and feel the emotions around me. This is so sad, and you guys have no idea about the things I know. The information that isn't out there yet.

My coworker and friend watched the entire thing and ran towards them trying to get them to stop going on the wrong runway.
He couldn't do anything.

I can't stop replaying in my head him trying to save them and how those people died.

It wasn't quick.
It wasn't painless.

I cleaned my plane tonight and every window I can look out and see all the trucks out in that field. The lights that are up. Knowing that over there.. workers are collecting people.
Collecting a newly wed couple going to their honeymoon.
Collecting a daughter whose mother sat in the gate and watched what happened before boarding her own plane.
Collecting a friend.
Collecting a coworker.
Collecting families.
Collecting people who thought they were okay.

You people have no idea.

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 18:25:42 GMT

You fucking suck.
I'm so pissed.

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 18:09:11 GMT

....

Whatever.

Tell me, don't lie.

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 18:04:17 GMT

Ari is going to be here in 2 days.

I'll be 19 (Unoffically 21) in 3.

We're going to go see Crystal Method.

My job sucks. =D

And I still don't know what I want for my birthday.

Oh, and I got my braces off. But I don't think many people will notice because they were clear to begin with. But whatever.

Much love.
Stephanie

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 18:15:49 GMT

My birthday is in 8 days.

... What do I want?

Fri, 26 May 2006 06:59:10 GMT

So i'm supposed to do this:

Take a look at your LJ friends list, then list up to ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different LJ friends... DO NOT state who these people are. DO NOT confirm nor deny any "comment speculation". Then tag five (5) people.

Buut I'm not tagging anyone. If you want to do it, then do it.

1.) Where the hell are you when people need you? In the past few months i've been wondering what my life would have been without you bringing me down. You can admit it now, you had nothing to be jealous of but you were. You ignored me and took my for granted. What does it feel like now to know the only friends that TRULY loved you are gone because you let them go?

2.) I would not be me without you in my life. I love you more than anything, and the stupid boy I marry will be jealous of our friendship (I'll keep you in one arm and him in the other >D) . Friends I have had for YEARS are nowhere near close to me as you are. I couldn't live without you. I tell you this all the time but I can't say it enough. And it still amazes me to this day, and always will, that we're friends. But you need to stop letting me get all the attention, and start whining to me for a change. Sometimes I wish I could push you out of the nest and get you to explore and experience half the things I have. But then again, I want to wrap you up and save you from all the shitty people and feelings. If I truly believed in Soul Mates, I honestly think you'd be mine. You...sometimes..manage to keep me out of trouble, you are the good to my evil. I love you for you.

3.) I wish our friendship was way more than it was. I know you love me, and I know you know I love you.. but I can't stand the never talking, and then trying to wrap everything up in 5 minute conversations. I worry that sometimes I am not what your friends would like me to be, but then.. fuck them. They're shallow bitches anyway. Well, most of them.

4.) I hardly know you, but you're fucking hilarious.

5.) I miss you, and I know you wont see this. I've tried so much to keep our friendship going but you seem too tired for it. I love you and always will, but I wish you'd make an effort. I've never not wanted you as my buddy =(

6.) She loves you and I have to deal with it. You hurt my feelings when you mistook something I said for something so dumb. So much you didn't even have a name for a few months. But I can understand what you meant.. I guess. I reserve the right to murder you if something terrible happens and she ends up with a broken heart.

7.) It's funny how flaky our friendship is. I hardly know you now, but I feel like I need to watch your posts like you're a little brother or something. I don't know how you feel about me anymore, but it's okay. I still <3 you. Don't let your friends influence your decisions. They will always be there when you get back, and if they aren't.. new and better ones will come in. I PROMISE this. I've been through it.

8.)I feel like you hate me. I feel like you and your best friend don't like me anymore because of her.. and him. It's like after I broke up with the bastard you guys don't want to talk to me, and since I feel that way I don't bother trying. It kills me when I see you guys making plans and my name isn't in with the list. Even if I do live in Lexington now.

9.) I don't ever talk to you anymore, and that sucks. I admit, and feel sorry about now, that I was a little jealous and thought you wanted Bill. Haha. I still read your posts, and i'd comment more if I though you cared. but.. You're gorgeous, funny, and smart. No boy or anyone should make you feel any less than that. There isn't a damn thing wrong with you.

10.) I love you both so much, you two can have number 10, also. =D! <333333 And the extra 3's do NOT make me a nerd!

Sat, 20 May 2006 17:21:00 GMT

I need to find someone who can turn shirts into pretty decent purses. The washer killed my The Doors shirt that Shannon got me. I'm so bummed. But if I could turn it into a purse, that would kick ass.

Thu, 04 May 2006 06:44:03 GMT

TWENTY POINTS AND AN ANDES CHOCOLATE MINT IF YOU CAN TELL ME WHERE THIS IS FROM =D

I see the world and all the creatures in it
I suck 'em dry and spit 'em out like spinach
I feel the power - it's growing by the minute
And pretty soon you're gonna see me wallow in it
I feel good - a special kind of horny
Flowers and trees depress and frankly bore me
I think I'll spew them all with cyanide salive
Pour me a puke cocktail and take me to the driver!

Filthy brown acid rain
Pouring down like egg chow mein
All that's foul - all that's stained
Breeding in my toxic brain

And after dinner I could go for something sweet
REVENGE! for all those years locked in a tree!
I'll crush and grind all creatures great and small
And put up parking lots and shiny shopping malls
'Cause greedy human beings will always lend a hand
With the destruction of this worthless jungle land
And what a beautiful machine they have provided
To slice a path of doom with my foul breath to guide it

Hit me one time!
Hit me twice!
Aaah - that's rather nice!

Oil and grime...poison sludge
Diesel clouds and noxious muck
Slime beneath me...slime up above
Ooh you'll love my (ah-ah-ah) toxic love.

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 04:27:01 GMT

So yeah..

I was working the gate on our overnighters, and Kevin Pollack came off the plane!! I thought he would be such a cool guy, and he was at first..

I talked to him for a little bit, from the end of the jetbridge to the gate to make an announcement for a wheelchair, I had asked him for his autograph before AND HE JUST WALKED OFF. ;_; I'm so bummed!!

Well. William Shatner came in earlier, but he's a dick.

Still I'm a dick.. (addicted to you)

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 19:56:00 GMT

Wow. I did not miss working night shift. I don't have a damn thing to say. I work tonight. 7-11. If that isn't fucking lame then I don't know what is. I've officially enrolled in school. Summer school, at that. What the hell am I getting myself into? Oh well. When you work for an airline breaks and holidays are non-existent.

My love life isn't any different. No, he still doesn't know. The sexual innuendos have been cued. Sweet.

My LJ layout is all fucked up, and I am too lazy to fix it. Yet I'll run a mile on a treadmill..but fixing the LJ just seems too difficult. What is that? Oh yeah. Gemini Sun. Blah.

Why is it that there are more classes for a six week session of summer school than eight? Can someone explain this to me?

Today is a weird day. I feel a little crappy. And I get to finish the night off with cleaning airplanes and driving three hours home.

The day is glorious and filled with love and sunshine. =D

Fuck.
Stephanie.

You're so money.

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 03:39:12 GMT

So I flew back from nice, warm, sunny Dallas. The second I stepped on ground, it began to snow. Laame.

But I miss everyone. =( I'm sad that I didn't get to hang out with them much before I left. I 'graduated' the class with a 96 Average. Woo.

Anyway, I'm so tired. I'm glad I have the next two days off to rest and let all this shit sink in.

I can't wait to visit my girls in Maui!

<3<3
Stephanie

Soooo...

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 01:16:07 GMT

I'm here in Dallas for training. I have a 96% average in my class, and the really hard test is coming up on..Monday? I don't know. Yeah. You guys try to decipher 4pspt/p/1122333444556/us/30jan51/m-smith/robert-1.1

...That's what I thought o_o!

Yeah, so anyway. I saw Brokeback Mountain and cried my everloving eyes out. =| Geez. But I can't talk about it. I'll be sad.

I picked up a new book from Barnes and Noble. It's called 'Good In Bed'. By the same chick who wrote In Her Shoes. The movie with Cameron Diaz and that one chick. Whatever. It's still good.

SO. I went to this stupid mall here in Dallas last night. The guy from Trade Secret was going to give me a discount on The Limited Chi. I was like O____O but then. The most... hellish of hell-like things.

The ATM. Ate. My. Card.

It refused to give it back. No matter how much I begged. and kicked. and smacked.

So. Needless to say. I didn't get my chi. but by god, I'll have it soon. Bitches.

Okay. I have to do laundry. Which I wont even do. I'll read my book.
<3
Stephanie

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 08:34:49 GMT

Please, feel free to shoot me anytime today after 8:30AM.

xoxo
Stephanie

This explains it better.

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 04:53:18 GMT

Christmas is Sunday.

Even though the colored lights are on, and a Santa tops the tree..

It doesn't seem like Christmas season to me.

You are not what you seem, you are a mystery to me.

Sometimes I just want to scream.

I think you should just go away cause there's no necessity for you to stay.

Next time you come around my way, forget it, baby. You're not coming in.

A heart ready for a life of sorrow,

No you can't come back tomorrow.

Shut my windows, lock my doors.

'Cause my heart won't be your ragdoll anymore.

Takin' the back way.

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 00:44:24 GMT

Taxes are gay.

I need a better paying job. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck.

I don't know what else to say.

I know she loves the sunrise.

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 02:48:07 GMT

Blah blah blah same LJ entry like Always. Erik. Work. Blah Blah. Erik again. Blah Blah.

"I have all three of them. Do you want me to burn the CD's for you?"

Baby..you can burn me anything.

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 03:52:29 GMT

Have you guys heard about the passenger who got shot in MIA? On an American flight? The bastard went around screaming he had a bomb and one of the air marshall's shot him. What a fucking twat. His wife said he was off his medication.

I love dumb people. Without them, I would have no entertainment.

AROUND THIS TIME ONE YEAR AGO, I...
1. Still lived in Henderson.
2. Was still in school and socialized with people.
3. Was probably jobless. I don't remember.

AROUND THIS TIME TWO YEARS AGO, I...
1. I was 16, So I just got my license on December 17th.
2. Worked at Subway.
3. Again.. Still in school and was social.

YESTERDAY, I...
1. Froze my ass off working outside.
2. Had hat hair. Fucking beanies.
3. Cleaned my room, because Ari is coming in on Friday. Hopefully.

TODAY, I...
1. Went to work. =D And Froze my ass off outside.
2. Got extremely pissed off at he Lead Agent this morning. Just because she's a lead she doesn't feel like she needs to be there at 4:30 AM like the rest of us. Even when she's working the ramp.
3. Laughed my ass off because the same lead uses up over 100 gallons of Glycol to Deice planes..when it usually takes 10.

TOP THREE LOCATIONS I'D LIKE TO RUN AWAY TO ARE...
1. Austin
2. Italy
3. Somewhere fucking warm.

FIRST THREE PEOPLE I THINK ABOUT ON A DAILY BASIS ARE...
1. Erik
2. Ari
3. I'd say John, but he's probably every other day.

Use "love, afraid, cry, scared, and like" to start 5 sentences, and then tag 5 people.

1) Love is a bitch, but i'm wanting it a lot lately. Maybe because of Christmas.
2) I am afraid that... I don't know. I know I won't end up completely lonely, so I can't be afraid of that.
3) Cry for me. I deserve it =D
4) Scared of pushback and deiceing. =D
5) Like, omg, totally!

And..I don't feel like tagging anyone. So meh.>